"Induhvidual Quotes" 1

[chessbot]

The Dilbert Newsletter, available online here, contains many quotes from "Induhviduals", which seem to be mixed idioms or just stupid things to say, such as:

"I don't want anybody stepping on anybody else's thunder."
"You can't pull the sheep over my eyes!"
"I'm thinking in my brain."
"What is that disease where if someone loses a lot of blood they just die?"
"Clean as a baby's bottom."
"I don't mean to take the steam out of your sails, but..."
"She has not seen one red dime from him."
"I used to be as sharp as a button."
"That'll put the monkey in your court."
"We don't want this project to snowball into a can of worms."
"... up the creek in a hand bag."
"It's best not to open that can of wax."
"Let's pair up into threes."
"I just thought myself into a corner."
"We really need to hang on to our coattails to ride the waves of change."
"That way I can kill two bricks with one stone."

Anyone have any more that they have heard or made up?

This is a rough continuation of the "One Sandwich Short" and "Shaggy Dog Stories" threads.

--Chessbot

"In that blessed region of Four Dimensions, shall we linger on the threshold of the Fifth, and not enter therein? Ah, no! [...] Then, yielding to our intellectual onset, the gates of the Sixth Dimension shall fly open; after that a Seventh, and then an Eighth -- --" Flatland, A. Square (E. A. Abbott)

 

[SantaMufasa]

Look at that...the lake comes right up to the shore."

"You guys line up in a circle."

"It’s bad luck to be superstitious."

"Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects."

"Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important."

"Never vote for the best candidate, vote for the one who will do the least harm."

"Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other."

"I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected."

"I will defend to your death your right to my opinion."

"There are multiple methods by which one can decorticate the integument from a feline."

"If there is a tourist season, how come we can’t shoot them?"

"Mothers of teens know why animals eat their young."

"Grandchildren are God's reward to parents for not killing their teenagers."

"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

"Every day I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I have stayed alive."

"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools."

"If you woke up breathing, congratulations, you have another chance."

"I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it. So I said 'Implants?' She hit me."

"I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast."

"Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: 'Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!'"

"A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn ...that was fun!' "

"I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!"

"When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.' "

"Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference."

"If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called LABOR!"

"Wouldn't you know it...Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever."

"I feel like a newborn baby…No teeth, no hair, and I think I just wet my pants."

"It takes guts to be an organ donor."

"Men are like a fine wine. They start out as fruits, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with."

"I started out with nothing, and I’ve worked hard to keep it that way."

Cheers,

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)

http://www.dasages.com

@ 20:01 (29Dec04) UTC (aka "GMT" and "Zulu"),
@ 13:01 (29Dec04) Mountain Time

 

[chessbot]

wow...

--Chessbot

"In that blessed region of Four Dimensions, shall we linger on the threshold of the Fifth, and not enter therein? Ah, no! [...] Then, yielding to our intellectual onset, the gates of the Sixth Dimension shall fly open; after that a Seventh, and then an Eighth -- --" Flatland, A. Square (E. A. Abbott)