Oh, and a couple others I like, in terms of messing with people.
Do you know what time it is?
Yes. [I sure do!]
... Well, will you tell me?
Yes. [If you ask]
... Er, can you show me your watch?
Yes. [I have that capacity]
Oh I get it. What time is it?
11:30.
What in the heck did I do with that thingamajig?
I don't remember.
What are you talking about? You only just got here and I lost it an hour ago.
I'm telling you, I cannot remember what you did with that thinamajig.
[Puzzled glare of incomprehension]
Is it not true that I cannot remember something I never knew?
[Groan]
What someone here at work does:
Me: I see you found the report I left on your chair.
Him, in a tone of angry contradiction: I did TOO!!!!
Random true but totally confusing statements:
-If I am a garden hose, then you are a tractor. [It is not the case that I am a garden hose and you are not a tractor.]
-If you eat that candy you will die. [It is not the case that you will eat the candy and not die some day. Or, by eating, something only living things can do, you prove you will die, something only living things can do.] Be careful with this one, people tend to think you are threatening to kill them. Hehe.
-To be Frank with you, I'd have to change my name.
Then the tautologies:
-No matter where you go, there you are.
-Things are more like they are now than they ever have been before.
-If at first you don't succeed, you run the risk of failure.
-Any help you could give would be very... helpful.
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It is better to have honor than a good reputation.
(Reputation is what other people think about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.)