Can't think of anything natively that could help in this scenario, except for setting rules on each mailbox (which may be prohibitive in your environment) or writing a SMTP Event Sink (which may be too much effort).
Where is DNS (and WINS, if configured) coming from? If DNS is coming from your central site, may be worth setting up a local DNS server to these slow machines.
Having two Netbios domains with the same name could well lead to funky stuff going on - have you investigated the possibly of renaming your Domains - http://www.microsoft.com/technet/downloads/winsrvr/domainrename.mspx ?
I've seen a mad situation, whereby on trying the first RDP connection just produces a grey screen but the second concurrent RDP connection from the same machine allows login and is perfectly normal. Most bizarre.
With SBS always use the Wizards, it can get very upset if things are changed outside of the wizards. Personally I'd try running the CEICW (aka Configure Email and Internet Connection wizard) first.
I don't think that will be possible via Windows - RPC is the protocol used for setting remote reboots. I can only suggest using some remote system such iLO/DRAC/IP-enabled PDUs.
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