Our human resources policy is now to only recruit staff with appropriate names for the position they are about to fill, so without further ado:

I'd like to proudly introduce, from Shanghai, our new TCP/IP expert and Routing engineer, Mr Wan Lan Ping...

...and please give a warm welcome to my charming new PA from the Republic of Belarus, Miss Leila Ismailova...

www.fxxxingcomputers.co.uk

Welcome our newest members to the Sanitation Staff: Mr. Ty D. Bowl.

our newest cook: Wyatt A. Mess

 

Ben
"If it works don't fix it! If it doesn't use a sledgehammer..."
How to ask a question, when posting them to a professional forum.
Only ask questions with yes/no answers if you want "yes" or "no"

A doctor at our local surgery really is called Dr. D. Little.  

Annihilannic.

The three stooges attorneys classic:

Dewey, Screw-em & Howe

Corporate appointments:

Employee of the month in the mince processing plant here at Macdonalds UK - Patty Pressburger...

Tess Tingwell, our new Head Operative at BP Capping Services will hopefully make sure we have no more embarrassing leaks, and will help to narrow the PR Gulf that remains between our offshore operations and the USA after the disaster of 2010.

www.fxxxingcomputers.co.uk

Double Glazing salesman in Dublin - Patty O'Doors

It is time for pacifists to stand up and fight for their beliefs.

This is a variant of 'Late arrivals at the ball", popularised by the long-running BBC radio show "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" (ISIHAC - see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I'm_Sorry_I_Haven't_a_Clue ).

There are lots of examples; e.g.:

Late arrivals at the Americans ball:

Cybil Rights, and her Irish cousin Bill O'Rights.

From Chinatown, that oriental-American artist, Yang-Kee Doodle.


Late arrivals at the Morticians ball:

The Gee sisters, Ella and Ula - they've been laid to rest a few times.


One (of many) sources of many more examples is http://www.g0akh.f2s.com/isihac/Late_Arrivals_Page.php


 

In the Bank of Slovakia, Kasha Bigček is our new favourite, and where better to go then than the Casino, where, on the blackjack table, Delia Goodhand is your croupier, and Tosti Dyson can be found supervising the craps table.

 

www.fxxxingcomputers.co.uk

Hi,
From 'Click and Clack' on NPR:

Our proofreader, Marge Innovera

More here:

http://www.cartalk.com/content/about/credits/credits.html

 

To Paraphrase:"The Help you get is proportional to the Help you give.."

Hi,
OOPS.
Marge is their Statistician...

 

To Paraphrase:"The Help you get is proportional to the Help you give.."

The surname of the music/chorus teacher at a local middle school is "Tea". Two of her boys are "Warren" and "Geren". (If you need either a guarantee or a warranty <grin> that they are real, you can verify them on Facebook).  

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
"People may forget what you say, but they will never forget how you made them feel."

Our lookout will be Amanda C. Varhoff, our blood-bank managers Carmen and Scarlett Bottles, and our British Railway Delays Spokesperson will be Leif Sondertrak.   

www.fxxxingcomputers.co.uk

The new head of our complaint department is Mrs Helen Waite.
So, if you have a complaint, go to Helen Waite.
 

Randy

At our traditional orphanage, we are tight on discipline. Our correctional facilities are ably manned by our matron, Tania Botham-Ruffley, and her deputy, Thandie Hyde-Pinkley.
In charge of our laundry is Yuri N. Staines and our culinary facilities are managed by Lydia Cook-Ware.
Waste management is handled by "Dusty" Bin Laden.

www.fxxxingcomputers.co.uk

Morning shock-jocks Walton & Johnson used to sign off with:

Quote:

Thanks to our producers, Bill Meady and Bob Oker, for another Meady-Oker production.

-- Francis
In Deo nos confídimus.
Ceteris pariatur.

My grand-uncle, Jefferson Hunt, married Helen. They lived in Twin Falls, Idaho. Aunt Helen, although not a hoarder, did have a penchant for collecting stuff. Because her reputation was town wide, she became the de facto "Twin Falls Lost-and-Found". Even the Twin Falls Police Department sent her all of the items that people found within the jurisdiction of the department since it saved the deparment from allocating storage space for the items.

After losing his wallet at the Snake River Overlook, a tourist went to the police to ask them if his wallet had been turned in. Their response did not sit well with the tourist:

Quote (Desk Sergeant):

We suggest that you go to Helen Hunt for it.

 Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
"People may forget what you say, but they will never forget how you made them feel."

In our hospital patients' canteen, the buffet supervisor is Amelia D. Slyke, assisted by S.Cherie Sheya-Coley, Lister Rhea and Sal Monella. The cutlery and crockery sanitizer is C.D. Fissile.

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Our inseparable fashion designers, William Fitzherbert, and Herbert Fitzwilliam  will be joined by German stylist and coiffeur extraordinaire, Herr Kutz, whose specialities are severe helmet cuts, bobs, and pageboys.

www.fxxxingcomputers.co.uk

lol... Flyboytim, that reminds me of the old military days in Germany, where the local slang (under the military guys) for the barber, which usually was German, was Fritz...





The new undertaker in town: Mr. Douglas Deep, he prefers people to call him Doug though...


 

Ben
"If it works don't fix it! If it doesn't use a sledgehammer..."
How to ask a question, when posting them to a professional forum.
Only ask questions with yes/no answers if you want "yes" or "no"

BadBigBen:
I know a Mrs. Gravely who works at a cemetery (seriously).

-- Francis
In Deo nos confídimus.
Ceteris pariatur.

Ah, to work at a cemetery...I have always dreamed of having a job with a lot of people under me...I hear people are dying to get in there.

There's Lily Reith and her mam Oriel Cross, funereal florists, Ed Stone, monumental mason, Poul Berra, and the strangely similarly named Paul Bearer, part of the team that carry the coffins, Gaz Furness who fires up the crematorium, and "Cinders" Miller, whose daily grind is to process the remains.

The head groundsman is D. Plotts, the last in a long line of the family Plotts, assisted by young Will Berry.

Thanks to DansDadUK who has already mentioned the Gee sisters, Ella and Ula and there's E.P. Taff, who can often be found among the gravestones.

A very interr resting place, the cemetery.

 

www.fxxxingcomputers.co.uk

...and finally, for the knight with the best training record - Sir Lance-a-lot!

www.fxxxingcomputers.co.uk

Sorry, there is another - for the most profane, dyslexical, and ungrammatical knight - Sir Sword-a-lot

www.fxxxingcomputers.co.uk

alas, you forget the knight who fell off his horse: Sir Swear-a-Lot

Ben
"If it works don't fix it! If it doesn't use a sledgehammer..."
How to ask a question, when posting them to a professional forum.
Only ask questions with yes/no answers if you want "yes" or "no"

This one is genuine - I know because the person in question is a friend of mine.  The ornithologist running the RSPB in Letchworth is Dr Peck.

However, I can't substantiate the rumour that the refrigerated transport department of our local supermarket is run by Mr I. C. Van Handler.

Tony

In the medical profession, we have the apocryphal doctors Ben Dover (gastroenterologist), and Billy Rubin (hematologist).

-- Francis
In Deo nos confídimus.
Ceteris pariatur.

Don't forget Ben's friend, the Scottish dentist - Phil McCavity.

And Phil's friend who attends the cloakroom at the local theatre, Angus McOatup, ably assisted by Mahatma Coat...

www.fxxxingcomputers.co.uk

The guy who works at the number 1 commercial vehicle hire company, Hertz van Rental

It is time for pacifists to stand up and fight for their beliefs.

At our aquatics center, our curator of mammals is Adolf Finn, our deep water specialist is Ben Thick, and our popular Amazon River collection is literally single-handedly managed by P. Rana.

www.fxxxingcomputers.co.uk

My squeeze is Anna Conda.

Skip,

_{Just traded in my old subtlety...
for a NUANCE!}

Mine is Anne Aerobic.  She leaves me breathless.

Tony

Anne Arexic: really has no taste.

Skip,

_{Just traded in my old subtlety...
for a NUANCE!}

Anna Morphic - I wouldn't call her shapely.

Anna Tomic!  Woah! What can I say?

Skip,

_{Just traded in my old subtlety...
for a NUANCE!}

A. Spheric.  I don't see her often - she's not round much...

A. Typical.  Odd one 'e is.

Skip,

_{Just traded in my old subtlety...
for a NUANCE!}

Sorta like Abe Normal.

Skip,

_{Just traded in my old subtlety...
for a NUANCE!}

When I lived in Michigan, there was a Doctor Docter at the local hospital. Funny this was, before he started, whenever they paged "Doctor Doctor," that was the code for a hospital emergency. Some of the older doctors laughed whenever they heard him being paged because they still got an adrenalin rush thinking it was an emergency.
 

James P. Cottingham
^{I'm number 1,229!
I'm number 1,229!}

A group of interns were given a hospital department orientation, including a trip to Shipping & Receiving for a dock tour.

Skip,

_{Just traded in my old subtlety...
for a NUANCE!}

Were they also shown round the air conditioning plant by one of the maintenance guys - i.e. a ducter?

When my friend, Brent Bishop, was called to be the ecclesiastical leader of local LDS congregation, he became Bishop Bishop.

And in the same vein, when I served as a missionary many years ago, one of my co-missionaries was Reed Elder, thus becoming Elder Elder.

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
"People may forget what you say, but they will never forget how you made them feel."

New York City's former Fire Commissioner (and later Police Commissioner) was named Howard Safir. I used to chuckle, thinking the Fire Commisioner's last lame was pronounced SA-fire. Until I found out he pronounced it SAY-fer.

But that works too.

The new ophthalmologist: Ima Poke

the pilot of the company jet: Ike Rash

 

Ben
"If it works don't fix it! If it doesn't use a sledgehammer..."
How to ask a question, when posting them to a professional forum.
Only ask questions with yes/no answers if you want "yes" or "no"

Zookeeper in charge of the primate exhibit: Jim Panzi.

-- Francis
In Deo nos confídimus.
Ceteris pariatur.

In charge of the beavers, Adam Lodgekeeper, feeding the crocodiles, Iris Klotz, the big cats, Claude Bottoms, and our beekeeper, Isaac Blooms.

www.fxxxingcomputers.co.uk

The Lord Chief Justice of England and Wales is Lord Judge.

It is time for pacifists to stand up and fight for their beliefs.

Expect some exciting algorithms from new chief programmer Cody Smailyff, ably supplied with hot stimulant drinks by by our tea lady Cathy Ean.
Taking on the roles of both copy editor and press officer will be  Pru Frieder, and please welcome our new interdenominational chaplain from Hong Kong, Ho Lee Mann.
 

www.fxxxingcomputers.co.uk